A Very Pottermore Experience
by ScarfySorty
Summary: Darren, Joey, Lauren and other Starkids gather as they attempt to get into Pottermore.  Starkid  hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Why am I doing this? I don't know. I just felt like writing RPF. 8D

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><p>Joey and Darren sat on a couch, determinedly hitting the 'F5' buttons on their separate laptops, while Lauren lounged casually next to them in a stark contrast, surfing through the channels.<p>

"Chill, guys! It's only 7pm here. It's, what, 2am in the morning over there?" Lauren laughed.

Darren and Joey did not 'chill'. In fact, they felt like explaining to Lauren once more the absolute importance of what they were doing, but neither was willing to take the risk of missing the quill when it came out. Then, they spent about 2.6 nanoseconds wondering how Lauren knew that they were gathering this late because the quill came out in London time, and then spent 0.4 seconds reprimanding themselves for wasting a full 3 nanoseconds thinking about irrelevant things, and then hit 'F5' once more.

"Seriously though," Lauren continued in the same casual tone, "the quill's not coming out until at least 8am London time."

Joey was the first to take the bait. "Rumours, Lauren, rumours! Would you take the risk of missing the quill and listen to those rumours?"

Lauren muttered a hidden 'yes', but rolled her eyes and turned her laptop screen around to face them. "Work smart, not word hard, boys."

"The- the Pottermore Insider?" Darren stuttered. "Inside news from the Pottermore dudes?"

Joey dropped to his knees to worship the words that the Pottermore Gods had apparently brought to them.

Before Darren could join Joey as well, Lauren rolled her eyes once more and dragged Joey up, shoving the laptop in front of him and ordering, "Read. Now."

Sure enough, the Insider assured that the clue would not come out before London Time 8am, something that had been speculated on Harry Potter fansites for the past month.

Darren let out a sigh of relief and, for the first time that night, relaxed against the couch. Joey looked like his world was falling to pieces.

"But-but-IT'S A TEST. I KNOW IT. They're making sure only the most devoted will get in!" And he turned back to the laptop and pressed the abused 'F5' button yet again.

Lauren stared in slight disbelief, then remembered that this _was_ Joey that they were dealing with, the guy who broke down when they went to Harry Potter theme park in Orlando for the first time. Granted, Darren broke down soon after, but Lauren was pretty sure it was because he kept getting distracted by everything and lost in the crowd.

Darren just shrugged and reached for the snacks. Lauren slapped his hand away, looking pointedly at the anxious Joey, who was getting visibly more and more distressed by the second as his refreshing pursuits bore no results.

"What am I supposed to do? I mean, I'm a major Potterhead as well, come on, I _played_ Harry Freakin' Potter, but Joey is seriously obsessed," Darren pointed out.

Lauren scowled. "I don't know, do something! You're his best friend, you have bromance powers over him and if you don't do something, I bet you fifty bucks that he'll end up in the mental ward by the end of the day."

Darren just sighed, quietly thinking to himself that it was impossible to calm Joey down, and reached for more snacks, when something caught his eye, a flash of red and blue-

"Hey Joey. Joey. Hey, hey Joey," Darren said, and Lauren smirked at an obvious parody of what had been once her lines.

Joey reluctantly looked up, and Lauren was struck with the image of a wet, lost kitten.

"Wait, wait, don't go back, talk to me for a while, Joey."

"But- Pottermore- website- quill-"

"No. I promise nothing will happen," Darren assured Joey, who scooted over after a hesitant second.

"Question for you, Joey," Darren said, and Lauren saw a twinkle in his eye, and wondered what he was doing. "Favourite Aimee Mann song?"

There was a hint of a smile on Joey's face as he instinctively answered, "Redvines," and continued, "Favourite colour of vines other than green?"

"Redvines. Favourite way to say Redvines in a German accent?"

"REDVINES," They yelled in unison, and laughed, as Darren pulled out a Redvine and said, "So, do you want a delicious" –turn to an imaginary camera- "Redvine?"

"You bet I do!" Joey laughed and snatched the snack out of Darren's hand. As he munched on it, he contemplated, "You know, I hated this stuff before. But now it's actually pretty awesome. In fact, in AVPS, I switched out the Redvines for Twizzlers."

Darren already knew about this, but Lauren was horrified. "_Never_ tell the fans that. They'd rebel. It'd change their whole world view."

Suddenly, Joey's face dropped again. "Pottermore-" he protested, but Darren simply said in reply, as if expecting this, "Why don't you get over here right now, and sit on my lap?"

Lauren had to struggle to stifle a giggle as Joey had the 'confused kitten' face again.

"Well, the world always looks a little bit brighter from the top of a lap," Darren announced grandly, and Lauren wished that she had videotaped it for Walker to see.

Joey reluctantly scooted over and sat on Darren's lap. As Darren reached over and passed him the Redvines, Joey seemed to visibly relax and Darren mimed letting out a sigh of relief to Lauren, who mimed an impressed applause back to him, while Joey munched happily on Redvines.

Darren had a twinkle in his eye again as he muttered to Lauren, "So, that 50 dollar bet you mentioned just now about Joey ending up in a mental ward by the end of the day – is it still on?"

Lauren simultaneously sighed, grinned and whacked his arm.

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><p>No, seriously, what did I just write?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

You know something has gone horribly wrong when you read the first chapter of a fanfic you wrote at 3 in the morning and end up rolling on the ground laughing like Draco.

Anyway, you know what they say, 2's a company, 3's a crowd, 4 is an awesome party! B-HO.

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><p>As Joey ate Redvines and Darren watched a kid's show about a creepily large rabbit, Lauren knew she needed backup. For one, the show was ending in 20 minutes, and for another, at the rate Joey was eating Redvines, it would be gone soon, and then- back to mayhem and chaos.<p>

She got up and walked to the kitchen under the pretense of getting more snacks and quickly hit speed dial 5.

"'Lo?" Lauren was relieved that to hear his voice instead of the voicemail.

"B-HO. I need your help, ASAP," Lauren muttered-yelled, an odd balance between conveying urgency and keeping her voice down.

"I'm sorry, for the last time, nobody by the name of 'B-ho' resides at this phone number. One Brian Holden, however, does-"

"Fine! Brian! Need your help, now!" Lauren rolled her eyes at Brian's constant (and childish) pouts at his unwanted nickname.

"What now? Are Darren and Joey camped out at your place waiting for some absuuuurd thing, like Pottermore?"

Lauren wasn't sure if he was psychic, or joking. "Yes," she said, after a silence, "yes they are."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and my preventive measures are ending soon, so I need you to go to the store and buy, er 4 tubs of Redvines, pick up the 24 extra packets that we have hidden in the storage area, and some DVDs about a creepy large rabbit," Lauren said, vaguely considering that that was the probably weirdest thing she had ever said in her life. Unless you count that time when she had to tell Darren _not _to tell the kid at WWoHP that magical flying unicorn-Thestral babies were real, and then Darren just about burst into tears, yelling something about, "SHUUUUN THE NON-BELIEVERS. SHUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Sometimes, Lauren really doubted their sanity. Scratch that, most of the times.

On the other end of the phone, Brian was probably doing the same, but finally, he said, "'Kay! Coming over. It's gonna be a fun night! Like that dream about a sleepover that we once talked about-"

"Is it the one with noodles and cupcake walls that you can bounce on?"

"No, the one everything goes so crazy that you forget that there is a sane world outside your apartment."

"Oh. Cool. Now get here, and hurry up! Oh, and please tell me that you aren't crazy about Pottermore too."

"Definitely not."

"Thank deadwizardGod for that."

* * *

><p>"I brought snaaaacks!" Brian proudly exclaimed as he burst through the doors.<p>

"Wrong line!" Joey protested, even as he reached for the snacks.

"Yeah, you're supposed to say, DID SOMEONE SAY B-HO?" Darren agreed as grabbed a tub of Redvines and hugged it to his chest.

"We forgive you, though. 'Cause you brought snacks," Joey mumbled in between mouthfuls of Redvines and chips.

"I'm sorry, were you referring to me? Because I have no idea who B-Ho is-"

"BRIAN. Fine!" Joey and Darren yelled at the same time, then turned to each other and said, "OHMYDEADWIZARDGOD."

"Where have you been my whole life?" Joey laughed, even as Lauren just shook her head and chuckled, having seen them do this uncountable times before.

"Anyway, POTTERMORE!" Brian yelled and Joey and Darren let out excited squeals.

"Hey, you said you weren't into Pottermore!" Lauren protested, but realized that she should have known better.

"Well, guess what?" Brian spun around to her and pulled a Junior look, "I lied." He then pulled a Junior move, which would have been cool except that flipping your non-existant sunglasses down just makes you look like a spazz and Lauren snickered.

"Holy Rumbleroar – I haven't checked the site in a whole 20 minutes!" Joey yelled, which prompted all three guys go jump across the room to the laptops.

"What is Pottermore exactly, anyway?" Lauren asked, slightly curious. Sure, she was a Potterhead, but even after all the boys' rambling, she couldn't really understand the purpose of Pottermore.

"To quote the Goddess herself," Darren announced proudly, "it's 'a unique online reading experience'."

Lauren was silent for a moment until she was sure that was all Darren had to say. "Seriously? That's all? You cannot get more vague than that."

"Hey, if JK Rowling made it, it'll be undeniably totally awesome," Joey shrugged and the boys made sounds of agreement.

A comfortable silence settled, until Darren started poking Lauren. "Hey, hey Lauren, hey, hey, hey Lauren, hey."

Lauren mentally sighed, then swept herself off the couch and up with a grandiose turn. "YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO TOUCH." As Brian and Joey cracked up, Darren looked crestfallen.

Feeling nicer, Lauren asked, "Did you draw a picture of me? Is it me getting hit by a Quaffle?"

"No, actually," Darren said, lighting up.

"Well then, I'm actually kind of interested."

"It's you getting hit by a bludger," Darren grinned, and turned his laptop screen to her to show her a childish drawing of him sitting on a broomstick (curly hair and all) and laughing as a bludger-like object hit a unicorn on a broomstick.

"Didn't see that coming, did you!" Darren beamed proudly.

"The joke or the bludger?"

Darren legitimately thought for a while. "I'm not sure."

"Nice to know that I'm a unicorn, anyway."

"Of course," Brian said matter-of-factly. "A unicorn is somebody who knows that they're magical and isn't afraid to show it."

"That was actually an inspiring quote, surprisingly enough, considering that all you guys do are quote from the musicals. Where'd you get the quote from?"

"The infamous Hogwarts Jaguar."

Lauren consider headdesking, but decided to prevail and not risk destroying the last bit of sanity she had.

Another comfortable silence settled in, until Brian suddenly yelled, " IF YOU DON'T START WORKING, I THINK POTTERMORE IS GONNA HAVE AN ACCIDENT, INVOLVING ITS SERVERS, AND MY HACKERS. MWAHAHAHA! AND THEN I'LL HACK IT!"

Again, Lauren, the sole voice of sanity, "Brian, just because Darren is half-Asian and short doesn't mean that he's a hacker."

"SHUUUN THE NON-BELIEVERS! SHUUUUUUUN!" Darren yelled.

Lauren leant back in her couch and sighed happily. It was gonna be a long, but probably fun, night.

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><p>Yeah, I have no idea what I wrote either. Points to you if you can point out all the random references that I put in XD<p>

Edit: SO MANY TYPOS. Please tell me if there are more, I fixed some up. Also, noodles and cucpakes reference go out to everyone on the SKP page, and the picture/drawing quotes go out to Moonshoes Lisa, which was an actual conversation between me and her. XD HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.


	3. Chapter 3

Big thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited and alert'd (I know these words aren't real, let me live in denial!) this story! You guys are really the reason why I'm writing more XD

Don't you think Lauren is getting a little overwhelmed by the boys? Time to bring in some help…

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><p>Ten minutes after Lauren had said to herself that the night was going to a long and fun one (AN: Haha, that's why she said!), she knew that half of the sentence was wrong.<p>

How? Mostly judging by the fact that Joey had already attempted to throw his laptop across the room 4 times, Darren had broken the internet 5 times and Brian had somehow taken out the F5 key and then put it back in. 7 times.

Just as Lauren had given up all hope and was prepared to quietly sneak out of the apartment and come back the next morning, resigned to a hellhole of chaos, the doorbell rung and all three boys momentarily looked up, then back down once more.

Not caring that she hardly looked decent, Lauren opened the door to see a shirt. Then, she took a step back to see a grinning Joe Walker. Gratefully, she stepped aside to let him in, mostly because he brought more Redvines and, hopefully, help.

Lauren watched, impressed, as Walker (as they referred him to, due to the Joe-Joe-Joey problem) settled the boys down like an experienced dad, distributing Redvines and yelling at Darren to stop breaking the internet by throwing things at the modem.

"Not bad," Lauren grinned, and Walker responded by tossing her a packet of Redvines.

"Let's just say I have experience with babysitting 5 year olds, and there really isn't a difference between kindergarteners and this lot," Walker bragged. Behind them, Brian yelled something that would have been censored on TV. "Except the vocabulary."

"I think the kindergartners are getting bored," Lauren commented as Darren attempted to catch a Redvine with his mouth. "After all, Pottermore doesn't come until at least about 3 to 4 hours later."

Walker just grinned. "I know what to do."

As Walker walked (AN: That sounds hilarious) up to Joey and snatched his laptop, Joey letting out a squeal of surprise, Lauren followed close behind, curious.

Walker logged into a Facebook account named 'Josh McHinter' and scrolled through the newsfeed.

It took 3 seconds before Lauren's self-restraint broke. "_What_ are you doing, and why do you have a fake Facebook account?"

"Taking advantage of our fanbase," Joe said casually. "Do you know we have fanapges? Who do quizzes about our productions? It's hilarious to participate," he grinned evilly. "Though kinda sad when I don't win. I mean, seriously, there are people out there who know more about our productions than I do?"

"Gimme!" Joey yelled as he and Darren lunged for the laptop. As the ridiculously expensive piece of technology flew over the couch, Lauren took a casual step back to catch it, and the boys applauded, duly impressed.

"Like a boss," she smirked Draco-style, before directing her attention to the computer.

"Question 7," she read out loud for the benefit of the others. "What did Harry say he would do in AVPS if he had an invisibility cloak?"

"KICK WEINER DOGS!" Darren yelled unnecessarily loud. After the awkward silence that ensued, he whispered, " I mean, kick weiner dogs."

Lauren had already typed and commented the answer. After refreshing, she saw that 'Josh McHinter' was the 7th person to comment.

Determined to win, the group stared at the screen, waiting for the next question to come up. "Question 8," Joe muttered, "The song 'Harry' was modified from which song from which production?"

Darren guilty looked away at this question, as Brian typed in the answer at a speed that made Lauren wonder how the keys didn't fly off the laptop-

To no avail. 3rd. "How do they do it?" Joey protested. "How are they so deadwizardgoddamn fast?"

"Shush! Question 9!" Brian muttered quickly. "What roles do Joe Walker-"

"DAT'S ME!" Joe yelled, and Joey whacked him.

"-play in the Starkid productions?"

"I actually forgot," Joe grinned sheepishly.

"Easy. The bad guy roles. Except for in Starship," Darren said, but Lauren had already slammed in the answer.

"FIRST! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!" Joey yelled indignantly as Brian and Darren sank back in their pillows in resignation.

"What can I say? Like. A. Malfoy. Learn from me, boys. That's a nice 20 points to Team PIGFAAAAARTS!" Lauren yelled, realising only after that she was getting sucked into the hyperactive mood. (She blamed the redvines.)

"OH YEAH? WELL TEAM RANGERS IS GONNA OWN YOU, YOU LITTLE POOF!" Joey yelled back.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN." Joe jumped up and stood between the two. "I can tell that we're all a bit tightly wound, but if we express ourselves, through our feelings and statements-"

"AAARGH!" Lauren yelled! Everyone turned to stare at him, even Joe, monologue forgotten. "YOU MADE ME MISS QUESTION 10! TEAM WIZARDS GOT IT. AND NOW WEE ARE ALL SCREWED. HUMPH." Lauren ended up of a Taz-salute.

"Ta- I mean, Lauren, stop! Now my feelings are hurt too!" Joe said, sniffing and turning away from Lauren.

"Is it just me, or is everyone else getting a severe sense of déjà vu here?" Darren said meekly, and Lauren burst out laughing, because it was exactly like Darren to ruin a chain of their own quotes, not understanding it.

"Darren doesn't know?" She grinned, and everyone couldn't help but laugh too, except Darren who sulked in a corner, eating redvines.

"How was I supposed to know that that picture of my Facebook comments would end up on the internet, huh?"

"It's not just that!" Joey exclaimed!" That time when Joe as Umbridge was kicking Bonnie in the face-"

"AND HIS SHOE FELL OFF-" Brian spluttered, laughing,

"And I was struggling to keep a straight face and failing, and Joey and Moses and Nicholas were completely cracking up-" Joe added in.

"And Darren was just – what? What's going on? Why is everyone breaking character? WHAT IS GOING ON? _DARREN__DOESN__'__T__KNOW._" Lauren ended off laughing, and even Darren was grinning by the end.

"I know, right! I feel like we should all just burst out into song now. Or something," Brian said brightly, faltering when everyone just stared. "Fine, be that way," he sulked.

There was a silence, before Joe piped up, "So, are we going to do that sharing of feelings thing or-"

"NO!" Lauren and Joey yelled back together and Joe sulked.

"Aww, now two people are mad at me!"

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><p>Sorry for the late update, I had exams recently, and then I fell sick (I'm still sick D: ) which means that I couldn't eat sugar, which means that I couldn't get all hyperactive and high, and really, the only way I can write this is if I'm on some kind of sugarStarkid/both high XD Hope you guys enjoyed it!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, first of all, SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. Things happened, I went to Orlando, Florida (WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER!), came back and my grandmother passed away, and I forgot about this for a while. Plus I've been really busy with myhogwarts . co . uk, an AMAZING WEBSITE you need to check it out if you're a Potterhead.

Then I checked the email I used for fanfictions, and SEVENTY EMAILS. SEVENTY EMAILS OF REVIEWS, FAVOURITES AND ALERT'DS (I know that word still isn't real. Let me continue to live in denial.) You guys are so undeniably supermegafoxyawesomehot.

So, as an apology, I'll write another chapter and promise to *attempt* to update more. Meanwhile, I've gotten extremely obsessed with HIMYM and Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog, so if you're a fan too, you can check out my new story and if you have any ideas for a Starkid/Harry Potter/HIMYM/DHSAB fanfic that I can write, PM me or leave a review! Thanks a lot, and you guys are AMAZING.

Love, ScarfySorty.

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><p>And so they sat there for the better part of an hour, just quizzing away, each having created their own fake identities on Facebook. Many obscenities were uttered over that period of time, with the word 'TOASTER' being said the most times.<p>

Lauren got just about every single questions correct and somehow managed to get first place, until the point that the page admin told her that she should 'take a break and give the others a chance'. Joey stuck his tongue out at her, Joe laughed in a deep Up-like baritone, Brolden muttered, "I really need some pot," and Darren was confused.

As Lauren headed into the kitchen, she found the squirt (yes, only Harry Potter liked that, but apparently, she found it bearable) and Redvines kicking into her bloodstream. Suddenly, she felt like having an adventure.

Bursting out of the kitchen, she yelled, "This place has really gone to the dogs. Shan't we go somewhere else, like PIGFAAAARTS?"

Darren, still staring at the screen, replied seriously, "You need a rocketship, Lauren. And Nick threw away the drawing he made. TOASTER! Missed it again!" Then he threw something at the modem again, which almost made the internet die for the sixth time.

"No, no, seriously! Let's go out and get more Squirt and Redvines and giant Hershey bars!"

"Squirt? Ew, only Harry Potter drinks that," Joey snorted.

"And this Harry Potter doesn't even like Squirt that much," Darren continued, and everyone looked up and stared at him disbelievingly. "Fine, I like it, it's not that bad, why does everyone keep hating on it?" He ended off with an almost childish whine.

"C'mon you guys! Where's your Gryffindor sense of adventure?" Lauren felt oddly hyper as she bounced on the couch, trying to get the boys to get up.

Brolden was the least willing, because he had created an account called Junior Spaceclaw, and was in a 'charming conversation with a couple of girls who think that Brian Holden is unbelievably hot'. Also, he was taking childish glee in posting on many pages, "Hey, I'm Junior. Maybe you've heard of me!"

Lauren sighed and almost gave up, then realised what she had to do. Leaping off the couch, she grabbed the bag of all the remaining Redvines and ran out of the front door, yelling in a distinctly Mexican accent, "If you want it, you're gonna have to come and get me! Sígueme, sígueme! Follow the leader!"

And she raced down the stairs, hearing the boys right behind her.

And thus the adventure began.

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><p>11.32pm<p>

Lauren ran down the streets of Chicago, ignoring the weird looks and glares sent in her direction. Behind her, she heard the boys yelling for her to 'slow down and how the TOASTER is she so fast?'

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><p>11.35pm<p>

Lauren eventually stopped outside a Wal-mart, the same where they had petitioned a few months back to change the sign to 'Volde-mart'. She was pretty sure that they were still banned.

"Risk it?" She asked the guys. Joey shrugged, Joe shook his head, Brian nodded eagerly and Darren said, "Risk what?"

Brian ran up to the doors, attempting to get in. Meanwhile, Joe yelled, "LAUREN!" in warning and she turned around to see Joey trying to sneak a Redvine of the bag she was still carrying. She whacked him on the arm and threatened in a low, Taz voice, "If you touch that bag again, I will unscrew your head and drop the wishing pennies down your throat. Understood?"

"You better do what she says," Joe added seriously. "She eats eagles for breakfast and sleeps on a bed of fire."

"Wildlife environmentalists everywhere just gasped," Darren commented, as Joey nodded obediently and Lauren let go of him.

* * *

><p>11.42pm<p>

"I just realised that it's Chicago and we're walking around at night without a jacket," Brolden commented.

"Yeah, I wonder why we ran out of the door without taking one. OH YEAH! Someone stole our Redvines!" Joey sulked.

"Yeah, you guys just revoked your rights to Gryffindor," Joe laughed.

"I think badgers are cute," Darren muttered dreamily.

* * *

><p>11.45<p>

The bright sign of the 7-eleven stood in front of them.

"Success!" Joe yelled.

"Good, because we've run out of Redvines," Joey said with a mouth abnormally full and Lauren glared at him.

Brian and Darren simply burst into the store.

* * *

><p>11.46<p>

"Er guys," Darren started. "I don't think-"

"No. Keep looking."

* * *

><p>11.47<p>

"Seriously, guys," Brian said. "I really-"

"KEEP LOOKING."

* * *

><p>11.48<p>

"I really-"

"Dammit! We really need a Hufflepuff now. WHERE'S TYLER WHEN WE NEED HIM?"

* * *

><p>11.49<p>

"Excuse me," Joe asked the bored guy behind the counter, "Where do you keep the Redvines?"

"Ran out," the guy drawled back. "Bunch of girls came in two hours ago and bought out all of it. Wearing some shirts saying Starboy or something-"

"Starkid. It's Starkid," Lauren growled. "Dead wizard god dammit. What now?"

And in that moment, someone burst through the door.

"DID SOMEBODY SAY DYLAN SAUNDERS?"

* * *

><p>Hope you liked it, sorry it was a bit short, I rushed it out because I wanted to post it ASAP! I'll try and update soon (within a week or so). Tell me who else you want to appear? But if that happens, we might need to temporarily lose a few other Starkids, because I can't write for too many people at once. Interesting things might happen... XD Thanks for reading!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:

I cannot believe how many reviews I got for a short little chapter that I rushed out because I was so sorry that I abandoned this story, and I just wanted to thank and acknowledge everyone who reviewed, from the very beginning: DaisyDoodle, TheYoshiGurl, RedvinesOMG, .Real, the Infamous Jaguar, ptirobo, Quick4eva, Weasleyishere2, BeccatheGryffindorPrincess, R. E. Nightt, QueenOfAshes, Madnab101, Pigfarts-It's on Mars, gypsyrosalie, I-defy-the-status-quo, Freddie-and-Georgie-Weasley, Im-just-peachy, Booklover51089, acciodoublestuff0202, Little Draco, Dobby's Reincarnation, The Original Horcrux, iamnumbernine, Cori-Ackles, To Lazy To Login, Thirteen Again, RunBabyRun8312, Tape Monkey, Smiling Loki, TupAttack, Emily David, Midnight Hands, stargaza, Sapphire Vial, Lilly Linderman, Already On Mars, FalconFlight, lyricstellmystory97, Logan The Awesome, BornLucky101, DaemonGirl11, Luna Saunders, IAmFred, evaisepicful, happynat708 aaaand fjnl!

Yes, I just typed all of those out, and I'm sorry if I misspelled your username (but I'm 80% sure that I didn't forget anyone. 85% sure, or 90% sure. But not, NOT above 98% sure.)

And now, onto the story!

* * *

><p>"DYLAN!" The group yelled out, Darren doing a spit-take of Squirt, followed by an awkward silence.<p>

"Yeah, this scene would be so much better if only I could launch into a song," Dylan shrugged. "What up!"

"What're you doing here anyway?" Lauren asked, "I don't think I sms-ed you for help."

"Yeah, long story short, someone else did." Dylan smirked. Everyone turned and looked at Walker, who raised his hands in surrender.

"Hey, hey, we needed backup. Besides, you know what Dylan managed to score us?"

"Redvines?"

"Redvines?"

"Redvines?"

"Pot?"

"BRIAAAAN."

Dylan whipped out the tubs of Redvines, except that they were too heavy to whip out, so he almost took out Lauren by swinging it around. Lauren, in turn, fell back on Walker, who yelled, "How much do you weigh, Lauren? You're like 90 pounds!"

"No I'm not! I've got like 12 pounds worth of shit in myself," Lauren grumbled. "We've got the Squirt, we've got the Redvines, let's get outta here."

And so they left the 7-eleven, a very confused guy behind the counter and took about two steps down the street before Joey asked, "Where's Darren?"

"What?"

"Where's Darren? Darren's missing."

"….Shit," Dylan summarised.

Whenever Darren got lost, it was like trying to find a kid in an amusement park. The kid would feel frightened and run around, but then get attracted by a billion different things and forget that he was lost in the first place. Same with Darren.

"We gotta split up and find him," Lauren started, but Joey had already headed down the street in one direction, with Walker taking the other. Dylan shrugged as Joey suddenly turned around, ran back to Dylan, snatched the Redvines, then continued down the street.

Brian mumbled, "Do you think I can score some pot here? I mean, it _is_ Chicago…", then wilted under the Taz-like glare of Lauren as he raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I'll go."

* * *

><p>Joey stared forlornly at the empty bag of Redvines, wandering the streets of Chicago, thinking that he should probably have nicked more from Dylan when he had the chance.<p>

"Dammit," he muttered. "Can't believe we have no Redvines already. This is horrible."

Somewhere inside him, a voice whispered. _I know. I mean, Darren's missing, and Pottermore's coming out in a few hours-_

"No, it's not that! It's the Redvines.

…_What?_

It's like, every time I look at the empty packet, I get these pains in my chest and I just know it's…. it's fault, that REDVINE.

_Are you seriously placing Redvines above your best friend? Who is missing?_

No, no, NO. It's not about you. Why does every conversation we have have to be about Darren?

_This is our first conversation, and I'm your subconscious that got activated because of abnormally high sugar levels. You have problems, Ron._

You won't even listen to me, and I'm sick of it!

_I'm your subconscious. Seriously. And Darren's missing, and he's probably run off to Disneyworld or somewhere again-_

So, so, so, good luck with whatever you were talking about. And I hope that you and Darren live happily ever after. Me, I am NEVER going to be happy again. So I'm just gonna go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days."

_I'm your SUBCONSCIOUS? Do you really want to live happily ever after with Darren?_

…

_YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, JOEY. I LIVE IN YOU._

…

_YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM THE TRUTH._

* * *

><p>Brian walked down the street, tossing an empty Red Bull can into a trash can but missing. Someone from an apartment yelled, "QUIT LITTERING, YOU BUM!"<p>

Brian turned up and yelled back, "BUTT TRUMPET!

Grumbling, he turned and picked up the can, sniffing it. "Dammit," he muttered, "no more red bull inside." He sniffed again. "Just smells like piss. Wait, was I drinking piss?"

Annoyed, he tossed the can aside again. The same person yelled again, "DON'T LITTER."

"WASN'T ME, WAS THE INFAMOUS HOGWARTS JAGUAR!" Brian yelled back instinctively. "BLESS HIS SOFT ADORABLE PAWS THAT HE TRIPS OVER WHEN HE… THROWS RED BULL CANS TOO FAST."

The man at the window stared, apparently lost for words.

"I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN, AND WILL ALWAYS BE… A BUTT TRUMPET!"

The man, with the same wordless expression, shut the window and retreated, muttering loudly about a crazy drunk, homeless guy.

"I'M NOT HOMELESS," Brian yelled back, adding softly, "…anymore."

* * *

><p>AN 2: Before anyone reviews, I would like to apologise for the umpteenth time, because school has started for me and I'm struggling to balance all my commitments now, so this chapter is a little short, but I really don't want to disappoint everyone who was waiting for another chapter, and I really hope that this was up to standard for you guys!

In the next chapter… how are the efforts to find Darren going for Lauren, Walker and Dylan? What did Darren get distracted by anyway? Will they get back to the house in time for Pottermore? Or is Pottermore actually a deep, dark evil conspiracy hatched by the Death Eaters, who really do exist? Maybe the last one is more of a fantasy than a question, but a writer can dream XD Review with who you'd like to see added into the story! (Note that I can only write so many people into one scene, which is partially why Darren had to disappear for this chapter.)

Also, hope you enjoyed the random bit of Joey/Darren fantasy bromance. :D

Edit: I forgot to mention that the Chinese New Year is coming up, which I'll be celebrating (since I'm Chinese). It's a huge thing, kinda like Christmas, except that it lasts 15 days instead of 12, so I'll be really busy and won't be able to update for the next... one and a half weeks. Another reason why I rushed to update, didn't want you guys to wait until after CNY.

Hugs and Butterfly Kisses,

ScarfySorty


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks for all the well wishes and compliment and review, all of you! You guys are AWESOME, and so I present to you… the next chapter! I hope that it's up to standards, and worth me not paying attention in Chemistry class and instead jotting all of these down. (I'd been having writer's block, so when the words came, I was making sure they stayed on paper!)

Chemistry is TOUGH! Seriously though, I have no idea what we're studying now. Totally worth it. :D

* * *

><p>Walker walked tentatively down the dark alley, muttering quietly to himself. "And the great hero bravely ventures down the dark, definitely-not-freaking-me-out alley. What horrors may he find lurking here? Dementors? Umbridge? Sirius Black hidden down a storm drain?"<p>

Walker chuckled, then swallowed a little as his flashlight flickered. It was, after all, almost one in the morning, probably not a wise time to be out and about on random streets of Chicago.

He wished he had a wand, so he could yell Lumos. Or a deluminator. Deluminators were cool, he just needed Dumbledore… he'd settle for Dylan though-

"YEAAAARGH!"

Walker jumped at the noise, squeaking a bit as he muttered, "I think I just heard a spooky noise." He shook his head and continued down the alley. "The hero resolves to complete his honourable quest, despite what sounds like a slowly dying man in great pain coming from up ahead… the hero wonders if he will live to regret this. Or, you know, live."

As Walker crept up to the sound, he continued, "The hero is definitely not thinking of all the great moments in his life just in case a dementor jumps him in the next few seconds, or a zombie attacks him. Definitely not. You know, hero."

And with that, Walker flashed his flickering torchlight at the source of the voice.

"OHEMGEE YOU ARE THE CUTEST EFFING NOISE I'VE EVER SEEN!" Walker yelled in a voice possibly more high-pitched than Lauren's, before shutting up abruptly and looking around furtively to make sure that no one was watching the tall, adult man squeal like a preteen. "TOTAL. PLOT TWIST. It's a little kitty!"

As Walker reached down to pet it, it made that same horrifying noise that had scared him earlier. "Wow," he grumbled, "you sure have a loud voice for such a tiny thing."

He paused, and thought for a while. "Wait… you remind me of someone. Someone else who's tiny with a loud…_ loud_ voice." He lifted the kitten up, a bundle of fur in his hands. "You're coming home with me."

And that was how Lauren the kitten joined the Starkid family.

* * *

><p>Talking about Lauren, she too was on the same quest that Walker was on, when her flashlight flickered once, twice, then died.<p>

"Mierda!" She swore in Spanish (something she had picked up accidentally after playing Taz) instinctively. "Estúpido torchlight."

"JOE!" She yelled, assuming that Joe wasn't far away. Her surprisingly loud, bellowing voice echoed down the street. "JOEEE!"

Seriously, where was he? People in China could hear her, for dead wizard god's sake, what was he doing? Getting distracted by a kitten?

Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her.

"Did somebody say Joe Moses?"

She spun around, and sure enough, JoMo was there. "No, actually, I was kinda looking for Walker."

There was an awkward pause, and JoMo slumped in defeat. "Whoops. Aaaw-kward. Sorry. I'll, er, I'll get going then. I've got a, you know, got a one man showes to run! In, y'know, New York."

Lauren burst in a huge smile, "Shut it, amigo! What're you doing in Chicago?"

JoMo grinned. "Oh, you know, just decided to drop by."

"I thought you were in New York!"

"…It was a long drop."

"Seriously though, what are you doing here?" Lauren asked.

"Herbert Sherbet forced me to come."

Lauren groaned. "Oh no, not with that Herbert Shebert thing again…"

"HERBERT SHEBERT IS REAL."

"He's not, and you know it, Moses!"

"On the off chance that he isn't real, he's obviously fooling everyone with his brilliant disguises, which is why everyone believes that he's real."

Lauren muttered, "No one believes it."

JoMo pretended to flick an invisible mop of black hair as he said in a very different voice, "Oh please. Everyone believes it. Obviously."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Give it up, Moses."

"HERBERT SHEBERT IS REAL!"

* * *

><p>Joey sulked along a random street, every now and then looking up to check if Darren was anywhere nearby.<p>

All of a sudden, he smelt something.

Redvines.

The scent was unmistakable. He could recognise it from a mile away. Perking up, he followed the smell around a corner, then another, not question why there would be Redvines on a random street in Chicago.

There it was! A single Redvine, resting on a piece of tissue paper. He picked up the Redvine, sniffed it once, proclaimed it clean and almost swallowed it whole.

Ahhh, that was the stuff.

But there was more. He could smell it. He followed the scent around corners, down unfamiliar alleys, picking up Redvines along the way. Finally, he could smell something more. More than just a single Redvine. Almost running in excitement, he grinned when he saw it, an untouched package of Redvines.

He was so happy, so occupied with opening the packet, that he didn't even notice the person sneaking up behind him.

Or at least, until a pair of cold hands closed in around his neck.

* * *

><p>AN2: In the next chapter (possibly, I haven't written it yet) - How will the group react to Lauren the kitten? What's up with JoMo and Herbert Sherbet anyway, since they are obviously different people? And of course, what's gonna happen to Joey? And seriously, is Pottermore a deep, dark evil conspiracy hatched by the Death Eaters, who really do exist? I still haven't answered that question!

Hope you enjoyed it, and leave a review for any ideas, people who you'd like to see added to the story, and your guesses for what happened to Joey!


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